Hello everyone new to this site.

[pythagoras]

Hello everyone. I just want to introduce myself. I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation since I was a teenager I am now in my late 30's. I have not mb in 77 (since 12/12/07) days although I have looked at some soft porn here and there in the last few months. Today i found myself on a site for escorts and there were pictures of nude women and i know that this is dangerous ground for me and that i need to talk about it so that i don't slip back into the cycle of dl p and using it to mb.

I have been married for over 8 years and my wife knows about my problem and is supportive. I am practicing total celibacy as i reorient myself and assess my relationship to sex and intimacy. She is totally supportive of this and we are working on strategies where we are close to each other physically without making orgasm the goal of our relationship physically.


In the 77 days I have been celibate I developed the discipline to exercise
daily and i was really doing well but last week i had to leave my home to perform (I am in the entertainment business) and this threw me off my schedule and i have been struggling to regain my discipline ever since.

Anyway i definitely do not want to go back to wasting hours of my life seeking out new p and mb. I have felt so much better being free so far and i feel that i need to be more accountable, so here i am. reaching out to you guys for support and to offer any i may give as well.

[Dominus]

Hello Pythagoras, well done on your success to this point, it sounds like you are on the right track already, in fact looking at my calendar you are 6 days ahead of me as my counter reads 71 days. Maybe we can bounce ideas off one another as evidently you will have some good ideas that can help others on this site. I find that the real battle is maintaining the same levelof commitment, as times goes on I find myself slipping in the small things like turning off a tv program with nudity or the like, perhaps you have a similiar experience.
All the best anyhow in your reorientation program, any help you need just ask.

[FoolishMind]

Hi Pythagoras and welcome to the forum. Yes seems like you are already on the right track, and it helps tremendously to have the support of your wife.

I personally would find the total celibacy quite difficult. As in my findings over the last 2 months of being P & MB Free is that, my desire sxually is now only for my wife. I cant go to a computer screen and get my high. So the intimacy in our relationship has really boomed. If I was celibate, I feel, my temptations would be considerably stronger and would possibly tip me over the scales to find something in P.

Regardless of that, I applaud your strength and determination to acknowledge this problem and start your journey of regaining full control of your life and love.

All the best.

[henry]

Hi Pythagoras. You are way ahead of me. I came here after a porn and mb session four days ago. So I am way behind you. Also I have not told my wife. Right now I would just be too ashamed. I feel like I am confessing to adultery, which it is when you think about it. Not only are you here for support, you have already encouraged me. Wow, 77 days. Well I am just going to try to get through today and the weekend without mb, and I know the way to do that is without porn. I also have found in the past when I was able to avoid porn for a short time, that was when my desire for my wife increased, and that I did not avoid but accepted with pleasure. I am looking forward to that for the rest of my life. Everone knows what works for them, and your 77 days is a testiment to that. Right now I believe I would take whatever steps were necessary to get me to that plateau. Welcome, and it seems that you could really support some of us newbies.

[pythagoras]

Originally Posted by Dominus

Hello Pythagoras, well done on your success to this point, it sounds like you are on the right track already, in fact looking at my calendar you are 6 days ahead of me as my counter reads 71 days. Maybe we can bounce ideas off one another as evidently you will have some good ideas that can help others on this site. I find that the real battle is maintaining the same level of commitment, as times goes on I find myself slipping in the small things like turning off a tv program with nudity or the like, perhaps you have a similiar experience.
All the best anyhow in your reorientation program, any help you need just ask.

Thanks!
The main thing is a I meditate everyday and i write 3 pages every day as well (I use the book the Artist Way) and I use a method called inquiry from byron katie---- http://www.thework.com/index.asp. I am also a member of AA. In the process I of trying to get sober from my sexual addictions i discovered this site: http://www.reuniting.info/ as well.
I was practicing these habits before deciding to cut the MB and P out. I found it (the MB and P) was seriously hampering my ability to function and progress in life. I have experience with staying sober and clean from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes- so I have applied that experience to this.

Really the way i think of it is one day at a time. i try to not let the accumulation of days be the main factor though (otherwise i w ill get arrogant i know myself). I also know that if i slip that the the dopamine levels in my brain will go up again and then I will have to go through another 2 weeks of withdrawal before my brain returns to normal. So that is a big a deterrent. Not to mention the fact that my relationship with my wife has grown tremendously in this time and I feel so much better physically, emotionally and spiritually.

AS far as your mention of letting certain things slide into view. Yes this is true for me - i have a similar experience. Although I don't own a TV i find sometimes that I wil be surfing the net. Then I will see the image of scantily clad woman and then i will seek more out. Sometimes this results in finding nude ladies and softcore P which i then realize- holy crap i am treading on thin ice and i stop myself before I never dwell on this stuff though. Another thing is spam in my my space box has resulted in me coming across this stuff and also letting someone use my wireless connection. I found myself monitoring their usage and using that as an excuse to visit the sites they were visiting which of course some of which were porn. I just put a stop to this because it is seriously sick behavior. it also shows how insidious the P addiction is. this kind of behavior was one of the ways my P addiction started in the first place. Looking for my dad's P collection. Or looking in dumpsters for P.


Anyhow thanks for the welcome. i am glad I found this forum!

[pythagoras]

Originally Posted by FoolishMind

Hi Pythagoras and welcome to the forum. Yes seems like you are already on the right track, and it helps tremendously to have the support of your wife.

I personally would find the total celibacy quite difficult. As in my findings over the last 2 months of being P & MB Free is that, my desire sxually is now only for my wife. I cant go to a computer screen and get my high. So the intimacy in our relationship has really boomed. If I was celibate, I feel, my temptations would be considerably stronger and would possibly tip me over the scales to find something in P.

Regardless of that, I applaud your strength and determination to acknowledge this problem and start your journey of regaining full control of your life and love.

All the best.

Hello to you as well sir.

Thanks for sharing your experience FM. I think for me the reason I am doing it this way is because i want to look at the what makes me tick over all in the sexual arena an to build more emotional intimacy with my wife.
The single most wonderful thing about my experience so far is that I have been sleeping every night with my wife since i started this (except when I leave for business or she leaves for business). I used to just spend my nights with the girls of P and spend endless hours MB and seeking new images/ videos in 2D . Now i spend that time with my wife in 3D and in learning new things. I am also starting to use this book called Peace Between the Sheets to help build a healthy sexual relationship with my wife. My wife is beautiful and wonderful and I love her so. So i am so grateful i discovered my addiction and now this forum and others as well to address my addiction and recover from it' damaging effects on my brain. So i guess right now I am struggling becuase she is away on business till tomorrow. This is a rough time for me cuz in the past i would use her leaving on business as the excuse to go all out into fantasy land.

I have sexual desire for my wife as well but i want to tread carefully in all areas of sexual endeavor until i have a greater understanding of what makes me tick. I am happy that every time i have been tempted by P that iI have recoiled from it and not acted out though.

thank you for your kind words and i admire your honesty and strength as well!

[pythagoras]

Originally Posted by henry

Hi Pythagoras. You are way ahead of me. I came here after a porn and mb session four days ago. So I am way behind you. Also I have not told my wife. Right now I would just be too ashamed. I feel like I am confessing to adultery, which it is when you think about it. Not only are you here for support, you have already encouraged me. Wow, 77 days. Well I am just going to try to get through today and the weekend without mb, and I know the way to do that is without porn. I also have found in the past when I was able to avoid porn for a short time, that was when my desire for my wife increased, and that I did not avoid but accepted with pleasure. I am looking forward to that for the rest of my life. Everone knows what works for them, and your 77 days is a testiment to that. Right now I believe I would take whatever steps were necessary to get me to that plateau. Welcome, and it seems that you could really support some of us newbies.

Yes friend. One hour at a time! One hour at a time!

That is the only way I can do it .

The thing with being able to tell my wife about it is that we used it together years ago when i would get high on meth.
So, she was already aware of the problem. Also shame and guilt are two of the emotions that lead us back into the addiction in my opinion. They are a trap!

I don't know the situation you have with your wife so i don't know what is best for you.

I also believe that when the time is right you will tell her or not you will know what is right for you. Personally i believe that it is not wise to buy my piece of mind by harming others by revealing things that could harm them emotionally unless it is absolutely necessary to heal the relationship.