I have a problem

[Jordan]

Hi, my name is Jordan. I'm 21 years old and, like anyone else, i've looked a p over the years but i've felt it's now becoming a problem over the past couple months. Every night I look at it - it keeps me up and I feel guilty because i'm in a relationship too. No one knows about my secret. I don't know what to do at all. I feel stuck.

So I joined here in hope to getting help and support.

Thank you.

[Zibble]

Hi Jordan,

Welcome! Congratulations for deciding to break bad habits! I'm 28, so, a little older than you, but hopefully not so much older that you can't think of me as basically a slightly more experienced equal. As such, let me tell you very honestly from my own experience, that if you can kill this habit now, for good, when you're 21, then you will have a much happier life with much more genuine and rewarding relationships, starting more or less immediately. Of course, that's overstating it a little bit (not much, though!), but at the very least you'll be getting rid of a huge obstacle that otherwise you would constantly be having to work to overcome. You won't constantly feel slightly dishonest when you act as if you respect someone you're attracted to; you won't have dehumanizing (and probably degrading) images come into your mind when you're having sex, robbing you and your partner of true intimacy; you won't be hiding a part of yourself from everyone else all the time; you won't have a part of yourself constantly wondering whether your sense of what's acceptable to say and think has gotten completely unhinged from reality; and as a result you won't be rechecking your words over and over to see if they gave you away as someone with a deranged sexuality. The ability to be as honest in your interactions with other people as you are with yourself in your own mind is the most valuable thing ever. And usually other people can tell when someone has that, and they like it. So not only does straightening out your attitude about porn (and, ideally, masturbation) make it possible for you to have real relationships of genuine trust and honesty, but it also makes it more likely that people will want to be your friend.

Anyway, those are some of the most important perks for me of changing one's life and getting your head straight when it comes to porn and masturbation. I'm glad you're here so we can help each other (and everyone else on this site) change for the better.

Best,
Zibble

[Dominus]

Hi Jordan, I think you are very wise to be wanting to get support at such a young age, I am 40 and wish with all my heart I had nipped this in the bud when I was young.

If you havent already, try reading the advice for newbies thread as there are some good tips there, also the tips for avoiding past mistakes. zibble is very right in saying that you will be a lot happier without porn. It isnt easy, sometimes you will have to pick your body up and walk it away from the temptation when all you will want to do is look, but that practise of self control will become your nature in time and will help you in many other aspects of life.
If you can find a trustworthy friend or parent to talk to it will greatly increase your chances of success and be a big weight off your shoulders. Don't automatically assume people will despise you for it, most have to fight the same desires and will usually respect you for your candor and determination.

Good luck.

[henry]

Hi Jordan. You and all the kids that have have responded so far are in the right place. I am in my 60's, and I am new here myself, one week so far. I also started in my teens mastubating to porn and it has continued to this day, and it only gets worst, as you need more and more intense porn in order to keep the highs that you are use to. It has affected all aspects of my life. I am here to stop. I am here to add quality to this human life that I am so fortunate to have. I know that is why you are here, and if you don't handle it now, you will have to deal with it later. Like any thing that becomes an addiction the longer you let it go the more your brain and body chemistry pushes you for its needs. I wished I had gone for support when I was your age. You will find this very helpful. Once again welcome.

[seeker]

Originally Posted by Jordan

Hi, my name is Jordan. I'm 21 years old and, like anyone else, i've looked a p over the years but i've felt it's now becoming a problem over the past couple months. Every night I look at it - it keeps me up and I feel guilty because i'm in a relationship too. No one knows about my secret. I don't know what to do at all. I feel stuck.

So I joined here in hope to getting help and support.

Thank you.

If it interferes with your relationship or your pursuit of a relationship then you should probably try and get your behavior under control.

Think about the emotional harm that you are causing yourself and your girlfriend every time you're about to google your regular sites or load up that video file. Take it from some older gents here that now is the time to kick this habit. When I was your age there was no internet! Instead I indulged in the odd rental video and MB while fantasizing to images on the tele of the latest hollywood starlet. But it was always a challenge to get to the video store, rent the movie, etc. Now we're in hyper-speed mode with information and porn is probably the main driving force behind the internet!

Stay away and go make passionate 21 year old love to the girlfriend. Those are memories that will live with you forever as opposed to ones that will haunt you forever.

Good luck son!