Hi!

[Stanley]

I'm totally new on this site, and I don't quite know how to begin.

I used pornography when I was a young man, before marriage, and masturbated to its stimulus. After marriage I didn't use it for quite a while, but since we went on the Internet my use of Internet porn sites has become more frequent and I now find myself looking at and enjoying images that even a few years ago would have turned me right off.

I know I need help, because this habit is ruining my relationship with my wife and threatening my job and my reputation.

I do hope you guys can help. Thanks.

[Dominus]

Hello Stanley, welcome to through the flame, this is a good spot to try and turn things around.

The good news is you are not alone, your story is typical of many of us, I too started viewing hardcore images which once would have shocked me, this route if unchecked can lead to an addiction to the most base kind of visual perversions and may well ruin your marriage. It is not that easy to quit and requires dedication, but the rewards are many. We are here to help you through difficult times, and you can help others when they are struggling.

I dont know if you have done this already, but I really encourage you to bring a friend onboard to help you, that friend should be your wife. She can remind you of your new found resolve and this will be of great assistance in the times of temptation ahead.

I hope you find what you want.

[Light]

Welcome Stanley. You are at the right place! I'm glad you are here and hope you find the help and support you need to make progress in this arena. I think if you have truly decided that you are sick of this addiction, you can make serious progress.

Can you give us a little more information about your situation? What is the history and background or your story, and how is it affecting you currently? A more detailed post will result in better advice and information from people here. I know it's not easy to talk about this stuff but everyone here is supportive and not judgmental.

Have a great (and porn free) weekend

[Stanley]

Originally Posted by Light

Welcome Stanley. You are at the right place! I'm glad you are here and hope you find the help and support you need to make progress in this arena. I think if you have truly decided that you are sick of this addiction, you can make serious progress.

Can you give us a little more information about your situation? What is the history and background or your story, and how is it affecting you currently? A more detailed post will result in better advice and information from people here. I know it's not easy to talk about this stuff but everyone here is supportive and not judgmental.

Have a great (and porn free) weekend

I'm in my mid-fifties, involved in Christian outreach full-time, married with one son. I used pornography a lot in my teens and early twenties. At that time I also had a major problem with alcoholism, and chasing the booze full-time didn't leave me much time or energy to think about girls. So I used porn and masturbation as an outlet - photos and films never say no. I got sober through AA, began to develop a social life, and then met my wife and we married. Through the first years of our marriage porn wasn't a problem, partly because our sex life was good and also because we were drawn into a local church fellowship and became Christians during our first year together. New faith, new marriage, new life, new me. Or so I thought.

I was drawn into Christian work, which led to us moving to a small community in a fairly remote part of the country. By this time we had a child. The work involved me being away from home a lot. We were in a small community, and it wasn't easy to adapt. I was struggling to adapt to the new job, and things became stressed at home. there was a period when my wife and I spent a lot of time arguing - loudly and acrimoniously. It was then I started looking at porn and masturbating again on trips away from home.

After about 5 years we moved again, to a larger community where there were more legitimate outlets for my stress and where we could have a better social life as a family. For quite a while things were a lot better - I wasn't using porn or masturbating at the time.

Then I became clinically depressed. I found this very hard to cope with - Christians aren't supposed to be depressed, especially Christians in full-time evangelism. I got back into porn and masturbation again, and also self-bondage. (I had been into that for a few years in my mid-teens.) The stress and the guilt led to a break-down (I got drunk in public) which led to my being granted a year's sabbatical before working my way back into full-time service, where I am now.

But I really failed to deal with a number of issues and one of them is pornography and masturbation. I do a lot of my preparation on a PC and it's all too easy for me to surf over to porn sites at these times. The porn I'm viewing has become more and more extreme over the past three-four years and stuff I'm looking at now is verging on the sadistic. This really scares me. What's also scaring me is that for all my good sincere intentions, sooner or later I find myself looking at the stuff again. It's interfering with my work, destroying my relationship with my wife, and I'm finding now that I'm losing all clarity of thought.

I'm not making excuses when I say that my porn/MB habit is way out of my control now. Right now I'm sober, but I don't eat well. I'm overweight. I have a slight problem with tachycardia, and suffer occasional panic attacks.

That's it for just now, guys. Thanks for listening.

[Dominus]

Hi Stanley, I feel for you and what you are going through. You have evidently spent many years giving of yourself to try and help others. christians however do get depressed, in 2 Corinthians 7:5,6 you can read how even the apostle Paul himself needed a boost during a low point in his life.
Now it is the time to finally draw the curtain on the porn and to spend some time on helping yourself break free of this downward spiral whilst you are still young. when you beat this thing you will feel happier, less depressed and your relationships with your family and friends will improve. Turn the temptations into opportunities to show your strength and even if you find yourself slipping, never forget that at any time you can walk away from the computer and be victorious.
I and others are in the same situation as you, I turned here in desperation on the 19th December 2007, sick of making the same mistakes for the last 15 years, that was 60 days ago and I havent looked at porn or masturbated in that time, I am much happier for it, and I know you will be too.

Have a look at some of the other threads on this site such as the advice for newbies, and the strategies for avoiding past mistakes in the general section.

good luck in your endeavour.

[Stanley]

I find that the main problem the last three days has been the way my mind has stored images I don't want to see or think about. Also the sense that the pollution is there and there for always.

Bit down tonight. But three days clean. PTL.

[Fraco]

I just found this site today. All of this is SO familiar. In many years I have never shared my struggle with porn with anyone, and I certainly have never acknowledged the problem by writing sentences like this one.

Stanley, my hope is that I find strength here to be rid of this horrible addiction, if in no other way, just by getting it out in the open with others who struggle with the same thing. My life would never allow me to open this up in any kind of public way. My hope for you is the same.

Good luck, and may God bless your efforts!

[Dominus]

Sorry your down mate, but well done on the 3 days, its interesting that you mention about the images because we were only discussing this about a week back, if you don't allow yourself to think of the images you've seen, and don't add any more to them - they fade! So in time it gets a lot easier. First few days are the worst because the habits are so ingrained, but in time you can train your mind to avoid the triggers if you keep forcing it to steer in the right direction and find a new set of ruts.

[Sassy Lady]

Believe me, you are not alone. Being a Christian worker does not give you immunity from the common temptations we all have. You require much more than just prayer and confession to God.

Get yourself to a qualified doctor who can assess you and possibly prescribe medication to deal with your depression and anxiety.

Talking to a therapist trained in dealing with compulsive behavior could be a tremendous help to you. They can give you strategies to help you deal with your porn addiction.

You need to take drastic action, the sooner the better. Don't allow this addiction to destroy you and your marriage. Don't allow it to ruin your ministry.

HELP IS OUT THERE BUT YOU HAVE TO AGGRESSIVLY PURSUE IT. MAKE IT YOUR MOST IMPORTANT PRIORITY.

You need much more help than this forum can possibly give you. Too much is at stake!

Please, please get the professional help you need.

Please keep in touch with us.

[Sassy Lady]

Stanley

I am wondering if you have been able to seek professional help in your area? You admitted you could ruin your marriage and your employment. Can you agree that you need to take immediate action to turn the tide of your downward spiral? If you don't take serious action, things will only get worse. Please get help.