After quitting, the images remain...

[Light]

I wanted to bring something up that I have been considering lately, and see if anyone else has been affected by this.

I notice that when I am intimate with my girlfriend, many times the pornography images often come in my mind when we are together, even though I haven't looked at them for a while. Does this happen to anyone else?

I am trying hard to "re-program" my mind, and to be present with her, and enjoy the moment. It's like the last, final battle that must be won. I don't want to share our time together with the "brothels in my mind."

I find that when I can focus just on the moment, and being with her, it is much more rewarding and "special" at risk of sounding sappy I realize that these pop in my head almost unconsciously, but once I am aware of it, it is that one last choice I have to make to "take out the garbage."

[Dominus]

I have this as well Light, cant say for sure not being an authority on quitting, but I think it diminishes with time, for me it helps to do things together than are a turn on, like giving my wife a nice sensual massage or something, that way I am more turned on and the images are less important. We are planning some weekends away soon too, just the 2 of us, things we havent really done before.
I really try also to reject the images as soon as they try to surface as I believe thinking about things reinforces the memory, that way the images get slowly overwritten in the brain, thats how I see it anyhow.

[clog]

My experience is different. I actually find that I need mental images much less now that I'm off P and MB. The thing is that it used to be quite hard to come to an orgasm when being intimate with my wife because I would have normally MBed earlier in the day. So I would desperately search for images in my mind to bring myself to orgasm. I also often had to finish off with my hands, as nothing else could really do the trick.

Now, I have so much more sexual energy that finishing is not really an issue. So I can concentrate on my wife fully and there are no mental images required. Things are so much more healthy between us now at the sexual level. Almost the same as when we first starting seeing each other. But different because we are older, more mature, calmer I suppose.

But I happily accept that this works in different ways for different people.

Clog.

[FoolishMind]

Again, slightly different for me, When intimate with my wife i dont find images come to my mind now, because I am solely concentrating on my wife. When I was looking at P and MBing I pretty much rejected most initiations from my wife because i had my fix.

Throughout the day, with no specific activity sometimes images do pop up in my head, but I physically shake my head and change my thoughts to something else. I suppose a similar anagaly to what Dominus was explaining, Imaging my mind as a Hard Disk, I am trying to not access any old files, and let then get archived. And then in some months to come I will get a pop up message saying "Do you want to delete you archived items?" YES PLEASE!!!

Needless to say, I am overwriting my hard disk now with images and memories of new love for my wife and special time with my family. So much extra time that I did not have before.

[clog]

Your message made me laugh FM, because I find it quite amusing to think of my mind as a hard disk. Just imagine you wake up one morning and see any of the following messages pop up:

- non system disk or disk error
- no boot device available
- no operating system found
- fatal exception error

But it would be quite good if we could be programmed for the following messages to pop up when our eyes stray to things we shouldn't be looking at:

- illegal operation
- you do not have sufficient rights to perform this operation

No disrespect FM - I just couldn't resist.

Clog.

[NoDirectionHome]

Light, I agree with Dominus. The recurring images that pop into your brain will diminish over time. Personally, I've found that the speed with which those instances diminish will increase in proportion to the amount of effort you make to think of something else; if you indulge yourself in keeping those pictures in your mind, it will take longer for you to be rid of them.

One thing that helps me is to imagine myself being with my girlfriend at the same time we are being intimate. It might sound a bit odd, but when you are actually engaged in sexual relations, you can't see everything, of course -- you can only see what is within your field of vision at the time. I imagine what we might look like together from the corner of the room, or I imagine her in a certain position or clothing (or lack of clothing!). It could be argued that I'm making this my new P, but I believe I'm eliminating the detrimental effects of P while engaging all the positive elements of human sexuality.

Best of luck to you in your efforts. Stay strong!

[Stanley]

Originally Posted by clog

Your message made me laugh FM, because I find it quite amusing to think of my mind as a hard disk. Just imagine you wake up one morning and see any of the following messages pop up:

- non system disk or disk error
- no boot device available
- no operating system found
- fatal exception error

But it would be quite good if we could be programmed for the following messages to pop up when our eyes stray to things we shouldn't be looking at:

- illegal operation
- you do not have sufficient rights to perform this operation

No disrespect FM - I just couldn't resist.

Clog.

I think my hard disc needs to be completely reformatted.

[amandarenee22]

from the other side...
i am a new member and i am the girfriend of a pa and I am so hurt by his addiction that hearing the words of other addicts is both helpful and painful. I know that he must see those images when he is with me, because I don't understand how he couldn't. he is trying to stop, but he hasn't been successful before. it makes me feel not good enough and unworthy. i know it's not personal, but i can't help but take it that way. i just need to know that it is possible to stop and i need support...that's how i ended up here....words of encouragement?

[HalfPint]

I've never had a girlfriend but I have noticed that some of the images do tend to re-surface some times. I read an article once about why porn is so bad for our relationships with our girlfriends/spouses. When you look at porn, a dramatized version of sexual relations, it re-defines your view on how a relationship should be. The article went on to explain that when a guy looks at porn for a long time it makes them wish that their "interactions" with their girlfriend/spouse was similar and that sometimes when becoming intimate with them it can resurface and you imagine that your in that situation. It can and will take time but I do believe its possible to overcome that. And I also believe thats one of the reasons that so many men today objectify women. I've known men who treat and act as if women are objects for satisfying ones desires and nothing more. Thats one of the reasons I'm trying to stay strong with not looking at it.

I've noticed now, and I'm close to being porn free for 2 months, that the images are getting more and more blurry, but at the same time I'm noticing that certain situations and imagery makes it seem less blurry. I try to keep my mind off of it and fill it with more positive things, which helps, but its a journey, its a struggle.

[FairyG]

Hi amandarenee22,
I'm from the other side, too Unfortunately my son and other non-computer commitments demand my time today and I can't write a detailed reply, so I'll just say hi for now and let you know you're not alone.
If you haven't already, would you be able to move or re-post your message in a new thread in the partners forum, so that we don't hijack this thread and can concentrate better on your problem?
I'll hopefully be able to get online again tonight or tomorrow morning, and will give you a proper reply then - with some advice hopefully more useful to you than "hang in there, you're not alone". Hopefully some of the others will be online soon with other thoughts also. Meanwhile however I advise you read around the other threads in the partners forum and remember that you aren't alone - that everyone here will help you get through this.
Hang in there...