New here... could use some help?

[ThisWontBeMe]

New here... first time on this forum.

I'm 16, and have been looking at P for a few years off and on.. I would not say that I'm addicted to it to the extent of it having affect my life in terms of relationships, and it being time consuming. But addicted nevertheless. I have made several attempts to quit; none of them have been successful. Judging by the ages of others here... I guess I'm glad I'm catching this early. I am Christian, and have been praying about this for some time. Looking for advice and support. =/

Thanx

[Inshi]

All I wanted to say was : Well done! for acknowledging this problem at such a young age.You are right,you should be glad that you have realised that being addicted to P is a problem at such a young age, rather than carrying on with life and thinking veiwing P is fine.Lots of recovering PAs in this site are either married with kids,married or in long term relatinships and vary in ages from say 20-50.My husband for instance is a member of this site( Foolishmind) and he is 30, and we have a daughter who is 3.I have been putting up with his PA for 5 years( thats how long we have been married) and its been one painful journey.The hurt and betrayal is immense and the way it changes a person is shocking.I have seen the changes in my H with P in his life (which wasnt very nice) and without P for the last month (which has been wonderful).
All I can say to you is,stick to this and you will be a happier and much much better person.And you are gonna make whoever you are gonna spend the rest of your life with a very happy woman as well.I really wish my H had realised his PA b4 we got married,but hey,atleast he is doing something about it now and Iam happy for that.
Good luck and well done for acknowleding!

[ThisWontBeMe]

Hey thanks for your encouraging words. It means a lot more than you may think it does.

But does anyone have any advice besides just going "cold turkey"? If you wish to ask questions about me personally in order to help, go right ahead.

Please pray for me; I will return the favor.

[clog]

I agree with Inshi - well done for acknowledging this so early. I've been a PA for 30 years or so and am only now facing up to it. If you can sort this out now (and I'm sure you will) you will save your significant others a lot of pain and heartache and you'll give yourself a much more fulfilling life.

There are lots of good tips on this forum for recovering PAs who are just starting. But here are some that I think are important:

1 - Don't just make a pact with yourself about breaking the habit. Make it with others. Promises to yourself are the promises that are most easy to break. Can you tell anyone in your family, among your friends, or in your church about your PA and what you are trying to do about it? Members of this forum will support you, but it will remain virtual and you can walk away from it. If you confide in someone close to you, it may become easier to stay the course.
2 - If you still have magazines, DVDs, etc - destroy them now.
3 - Only access a computer with others present. Move the computer to the living room if that helps.
4 - Ask your parents/guardians to install filtering/blocking software on the computer. If you can tell them that you're a PA, that is great and I am sure they will want to help you by blocking access to P on the computer. If you can't own up to them, perhaps you can tell them that you don't want to stumble on P on the internet and would like them to block access to P. I am sure they will welcome this request.
5 - Avoid long periods alone without much to do - being alone is often when it is hardest for us to stay on course.
6 - Avoid friends with a keen interest in P and related issues.
7 - Get busy: do more sports, join a choir, start volunteering, anything to keep you busy. But make sure they are social activities. It will take your mind of the P thing.
8 - I was going to say: be cautious with alcohol as it lowers your inhibitions and resolve. But as you're 16, you shouldn't be drinking yet!
9 - Focus on your achievements, not your failures. If you stayed off P and MB for a week when in the past it was a daily activity, that's a major milestone. Simply set the bar higher for the next time. If you give in to temptation once, it is easy to slide into depression and to simply give up. Don't let that happen to you.

Good luck! You can do this!

[Dominus]

"does anyone have any advice besides just going "cold turkey"?

Extreme as it sounds, I really believe this is the only serious approach, if someone was an alchoholic, what would your advice be? have a drink now and then? it doesnt work, in fact an alchoholic can go years without and one drink can trigger the addiction off again. Porn isnt unsimilar, if you are compelled to view porn then you are by definition addicted, and even if it doesnt affect your life too much now it could do so increasingly in years to come. Porn will change the way you think and view life and you are a wise person to be giving it up at an early age. however you are young and hormones are bound to run high, but use this time as an opportunity to cultivate the quality of self control. All the best in your fight.

[NoDirectionHome]

TWBM, I'm brand new to this site as well -- in fact, I was only browsing it for information when I found your post, and I felt compelled to join and reply to you.

I'm still struggling with my own addiction, so please bear in mind that I don't have a solution for you. There appear to be many others here who have been much more successful at controlling their own impulses and desires, and you would likely be wise to listen to their suggestions.

I would respectfully submit that, if you find the idea of going cold turkey extremely difficult (or unnecessary), then at least make a start by getting rid of the most hardcore material you have. While it's been my experience that the periods of my life where I have been free of P for extended periods of time have been when I got rid of EVERYTHING, I've also found that it's helped when I've deleted things in stages -- first all the hardcore stuff, then the softcore nudity a few days later, and finally even the risque and suggestive "clothes on" material after that.

I've just said a prayer for you as you requested, and I wish you all the best.

J

[Sassy Lady]

I am so glad that you realize that P can be destructive in the life of a Christian. Pornography in the life of a Christian can be the cause of much grief because of the guilt it causes.

My advice: learn as much as you can about porn addiction. There is much information on the web about this subject. This problem affects more and more Christians in our society, mainly due to it's easy availability. Years ago, when I was your age, porn was only available in "Adult Bookstores" , usually in the seedy part of town. But, now it's only a few clicks away on our computers. These days, even ten year olds can get access to porn if they are interested and their parents don't supervise their activity on the computer. My computer, and my curiosity, were my downfall.

My advice: if at all possible, find an adult you can confide in. Maybe someone at your church; a youth pastor, or Sunday school teacher. Don't allow this to be a secret part of your life. What we don't confront, we don't control. Ask for help!! Talk to someone about your problem. Seek wise counsel.

Good luck! God Bless you

[Dominus]

"find an adult you can confide in", thats good avice from the sassy lady, the idea of a 'mentor' can seem a bit old fashioned in todays society, but older people often can have really good wisdom and experience in life, I kept my problem to myself for years and years and felt ashamed and hated myself, but once I talked about it to someone it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I am much happier now.

[ThisWontBeMe]

Well in just a bit over 2 hours, I will have been free of porn for 1 week!

Thanks again for all these replies; just letting you know that your posts ARE being read, and not just going no where.

Feels great to know progress is being made and that I have a supportive community to turn to. I take joy in knowing that you guys are succeeding in this as I am. For those who are still struggling, I encourage them to press on; I will continue to pray for you as you for me.

Happy Valentine's Day !

Free since 2-7-07

[Fraco]

I just found this site today and read your posts. Congratulations for your courage in acknowledging and facing this problem. It has been several days since your last post, and I hope that you have remained free. I was saddened to see your age and to know that you have already been affected by porn on the internet. May God give you strength to persevere in your desire to overcome this habit.

I don't want to go into detail of my own life here, but it is helpful to know that when I was your age I had been sexually abused by a male teacher and my interest and desire for sexual stimulation by masturbation was very strong and a daily activity. That lasted for many years.

When I was around 30 I began pursuing answers to questions I had about religious faith and God gave me the strength to completely stop masturbating. It was incredible. Unfortunately, on a business trip many years ago I came across a TV program in a hotel that was pornographic. That was the big fall and I have not recovered since. I mention that only as a warning to you. I believe it was St. Paul that warned us to "avoid every occasion of sin." Please take that warning very seriously. By your determination, made strong by God's grace you can overcome your weakness. Hang tough in your resolve to leave this debilitating weakness behind.

Good luck, and may God bless you.