Help please

[Lola]

I'm a female who has been addicted to porn since 11 years and I'm 19 now. My interest in sex was strong, so to satisfy it I started watching porn. I didn't have any serious relationships up until recently, so porn was the only way of satisfying myself. My concern is that I had "programmed" myself to channel my sexual energy through porn only. I'm not addicted in a sense that I want to watch it all the time, but it's a very fast way of arousing myself. I've started someone who I like very much but I don't feel the same kind of excitement when I'm with him. Are there any other women who could relate to this problem?

[NoDirectionHome]

Hi Lola,

I'm not a female, but I see that there isn't anyone who has replied to your post and I want to let you know that you're not alone. While the ratio of people who are addicted to P may skew more heavily toward males, it can happen to anyone. A former girlfriend of mine had issues with it at least between the ages of 13 and 19 (I've since lost contact with her), and while she never came out and said she was addicted to it, I think she was (or at least it was part of an overall sexual addiction). It ranged from watching videos of men MB to gay/lesbian movies to initiating suggestive (and more) chats.

Remind yourself that fantasies are exactly that. They're an idealized, fictitious version of things in our mind, where all the less-than-perfect aspects of reality are removed. When you're with your boyfriend, don't concentrate so much on the sexual aspect, but on the things about him that you admire and respect. Think about any little things he might do for you (and the big things, too!). And keep reminding yourself that sex is only part of a relationship. You want to be content all of the time, and not just in the bedroom.

Best of luck to you!

[henry]

Hi Lola. Sorry I am not a woman either. I know that there are other women on this site because they have responded to me. But its the same problem, I found that porn and masturbation was more appealing than sex with my wife maybe because I did not have to consider her needs, just my own. In my early years I was also shy around the ladies and I use porn and self stimulation just to relive the pressure and desire that I felt. Unfortunately it is a slippery slope, and the solution is not easy. It has lasted all my life and that is why I am here. I read something that explained that building mental power is no different than physical power. The heavier the weights the stronger you get. Exercise...Exercise, and have patience and love for yourself. Good Luck

[blade]

Best of luck on your way to recovery Lola, be strong and at the same time be soft toward your boyfriend - concentrate on the emotional part of you relationship, the friendship, the companionship, ALL the nice stuff - and you notice the longer you stay away from porn - the CLOSER and DEEPER you connect with you man! - later.