I was reading some of the SO threads and thought to myself, what is it that makes us PA relapse despite being married? What is it that P triumphs over S? I tried searching on google but i didn't get anything which really was productive in my search
"Among other benefits, real sex releases ocytocin, lowers blood pressure, and relieves stress. Furthermore, ***REMOVED*** stimulates the immune system" - This according to a forum poster after reading a blog (which i cannot access as i request k9 to blog all kinds of blogs)
As above mentioned, that was one reply that was the points of S but still what is it that triumphs P over S even a SO has S with a PA on a constant basis?
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
<^_^> ~ Star_Puppy ~ <^_^>
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But again, I think this is another question raised that will vary greatly by our great human minds and the wonder of subjective opinion!
Im all for getting to the point, as quickly as possible. So your initial question:
1. Difference between S & P?
S = sex (the act) , P = P0rnography - a media to display the act - thats your difference
2. what is it that makes us PA relapse despite being married?
A thousand answers for this one, and none based on fact. For me, fascination, the "taboo" factor, the search for high, the ease of a quick fix are just some of the reasons that are worth mentioning
3. What is it that P triumphs over S?
This question makes me sad, because honestly P doesnt triumph over S, because S with a loved one is wonderful, and fulfulling, but why did I turn to P over S, I really really dont know SP.
4. still what is it that triumphs P over S even a SO has S with a PA on a constant basis?
Blindness! - It has to be the blinding of the true senses to make one see P more appealing that S.
SP I have never had questions like this, that have really made me stop and think, and actually hesitate about my answer. Very thought provoking.
Thank You
FM
__________________________________________________ ___ Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King Jr
The sense I get from my PA and all my reading on the topic is that P is about taboo (agree here with FM), immediacy, and the feeling of freedom through recklessness that other people aren't likely to know about (an "illusion of control"). I don't think it "triumphs" over S, but it is more "reinforcing"- a term often used in discussion about addiction- like getting high is more reinforcing than the simple pleasure of a walk on a sunny day; because in an addicted brain the "I'm satisfied" signal is weakened.
Last edited by Miki; 02-06-2010 at 05:17 PM.
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But again, I think this is another question raised that will vary greatly by our great human minds and the wonder of subjective opinion!
Im all for getting to the point, as quickly as possible. So your initial question:
1. Difference between S & P?
S = sex (the act) , P = P0rnography - a media to display the act - thats your difference
2. what is it that makes us PA relapse despite being married?
A thousand answers for this one, and none based on fact. For me, fascination, the "taboo" factor, the search for high, the ease of a quick fix are just some of the reasons that are worth mentioning
3. What is it that P triumphs over S?
This question makes me sad, because honestly P doesnt triumph over S, because S with a loved one is wonderful, and fulfulling, but why did I turn to P over S, I really really dont know SP.
4. still what is it that triumphs P over S even a SO has S with a PA on a constant basis?
Blindness! - It has to be the blinding of the true senses to make one see P more appealing that S.
SP I have never had questions like this, that have really made me stop and think, and actually hesitate about my answer. Very thought provoking.
Thank You
FM
i would like to ask a personal question but if you don't feel like answering its ok. for married PA who are trying to recover, is it wise for their SO to have a constant Sx intimacy but wouldn't it be making them turn back to MB thus P?
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
The sense I get from my PA and all my reading on the topic is that P is about taboo (agree here with FM), immediacy, and the feeling of freedom through recklessness (an "illusion of control"). I don't think it "triumphs" over S, but it is more "reinforcing"- a term often used in discussion about addiction- like getting high is more reinforcing than the simple pleasure of a walk on a sunny day; because in an addicted brain the "I'm satisfied" signal is weakened.
hmm..i get what you mean its lke a drug ya
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
i would like to ask a personal question but if you don't feel like answering its ok. for married PA who are trying to recover, is it wise for their SO to have a constant Sx intimacy but wouldn't it be making them turn back to MB thus P?
No, if im having good and constant intimacy with my partner, then it is LESS likely for one to turn back to MB & P.
Based on your last post in your journal, I would suggest trying to focus on the basics as in you, and your addiction specifically, and not try to look for reasoning that may justify why you are a PA.
Really really really, go back to basics acknowledge your a PA, and by acknowledging that, you should actually not trust yourself, until you have closed all the doors to potential falls.
FM
__________________________________________________ ___ Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King Jr
Porn can possibly be perceived as greater than sex when looked upon at face value. A deeper analysis will however reveal otherwise. With sex, you’re receiving physical pleasure by using an actual person, as opposed to masturbating to porn that involves you physically pleasuring yourself. However, a person may perceive p as greater than sex because of its availability, accessibility, and novelty. In other words, the “act” of sex is more satisfying than the “act” of porn, but has much more restrictions in place.
Accessibility - Porn wins here because you can access it with little to no work on you part. You don’t have to buy it a drink, talk nicely to it, take it to dinner, pay for a movie, or impress it in any way. It is always there for you no matter how effortless your approach.
Availability –Again porn is the victor. To engage in sex, your partner must be present and unoccupied. Sex is unlike porn that is available at the click of your mouse. Porn doesn’t take vacations, have to wake up in the morning for work, or find someone else to sleep with. It’s a toll just like your vacuum cleaner or broom. Take it out when you need it and put it back when you’re finished.
Novelty – It’s totally ordinary for someone to feel less excited when having sex with the same partner for years. This actually is a common cause of many men and women cheating on their spouses. There are millions of porn videos and pictures already produced with thousands created weekly. Unlike your partner, porn can be almost anything your mind can conjure up. Of course, you can alleviate this by finding more than one partner but then other issues come in to play such as morality, STDs, and religion. Also, there are many different genres of porn. The diversity allows you to indulge in your own unique sexual fetish. This variety of genres doesn't exist with sex (at least not without major effort).
Referring back to the first paragraph, at face value, porn seems to out do sex. If I could magically take a porn star out from my computer screen and have sex with her, I’d gladly do so over masturbating to her having sex with someone else. This might be a extraordinary example, but I think it does an excellent job of proving that sex is better than porn.
One other important fact I’d like to mention. Sex with a person you truly love can provide great emotional gratification not found from many other acts of affection. Porn can never dot this. To further that last statement, as all we PAs know, porn can be very emotionally draining, just the opposite of sex.
"Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't much care where..." said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat. "... so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "If you only walk long enough."
~ Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Last edited by tru2myself; 02-09-2010 at 12:51 AM.
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I believe it has to do with our male genetic programming for variety. We like S with our partners. We also like variety. Our commitments to our partners (and social taboos and structures) rule out our natural proclivity to seek out multiple partners. P intersects head on with that natural urge and for some (like myself) it offers an alternative to looking outside the relationship for that variety.
That said, I really love S with my partner. We have great chemistry and I do look forward to giving her a good rogering on a regular basis. Sometimes though I fantasize (and often act on it) about having S with her and then when she's gone sneaking off to the net for round 2. I recognize how unhealthy this is and I think that's the kind of harmful behavior that has led me back here.
Seeker - you are making statements based on false assumptions that you believe to be true. male genetic programming??? that is a big excuse and you are essentially justifying why men need porn. i could say the same thing about drugs and alcohol - studies show that men are more addicted to these items than woman. is this because men are genetically programmed to like a wide variety of methods to get a buzz? as long as you think like this, you won't make the progress you need. stop the generalizing. this is about YOU and Your ADDICTION. it has NOTHING to do with generic male traits. focus on yourself. until you give up porn and MB for at least a couple months, you have no idea what it would feel like? it feels freeing, it gives you more time, your realize that are not fully giving yourself to your partner, you realize that sex is really about expressing love. i thought the same way you did early on and now I realize that if you blame male traits, TV, internet, etc., you are simply making an excuse.
I agree with seeker. The fact that men are at much greater risk of PA than women is related to genetically determined differences in sexual instincts and behaviours. Obvious from this site that PA is overwhelmingly male. And there are reasons for that. But that is no excuse and is NOT saying men need porn.
I also agree with jrock. Changing your behaviour is down to you. There is no-one to blame (not your SO, or yourself, or your genetics, or your high libido) and nothing to wait for. Has to be a decision to change the moment to moment decisions to act in certain ways in response to urges, thoughts, feelings. And to make that decision there cannot be excuses. I should know. As soon as I start making excuses, I'm back where I don't want to be.
Difference S and P? -
02-04-2010, 10:19 PM
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